Deep Water
Whats wrong? I drowned myself. I didn't write or did my face massage - which I have promised to do everyday. I didn't follow my daily routine and studying schedule neither. Why? Why didn't I? .. And now I fell like crying (just a little). It feels akward. I mean, I know what I need to do based on a bigger picture... (or at least convinced myself in some moment of awareness). My lazyness takes the lead and gently pull me towards postponing everything - in just a tiny little moment of sleepness (and it happens often, in different intensity). Regardless my effort to plan my activities I remain struggling with lack of willingness. Even regardless my effort to keep myself motivated. Yet, it is possible to observe frustration by another point of view - due to some knowledge about the brain and neuroscience concepts. Previously any deviation would carry me out directly at the edge of a breakdown. Now I feel it while observing it, in some crazy self-awareness.. among moody, selfish...