Do It

"And what is to be brave?" I asked him. And there were so many things unsaid... A brief breathing sharing deeper meanings exchanged through our shared memories - memories of other talks, other puzzles, other enlighted moments. We had those kind of conversations before. Those that lead us to deep layers of understandment... when words come out of us as a "natural" inner voice you know? And out of this special moments some little special keys were created. Keys that open different doors to places we have already been together. 

Shared ideas-bridges...

Gentle ideas full of overwhelming meanings yet so hard to digest. Even not being able to describe it, sinply by knowing someonelse understands you creates connection. 

Anyway. He answered me right after, with a face expression that connected this sense of nostalgia throughout our deep shared understanding nurtured during the past few weeks: "to do something even if you are afraid of". 

This happend on October 5th. I wrote 
*I'm fucking scared. I'm scared of myself. It feels like I'm starting a path where I won't be able to go through 'cause it's too hard. And how can I change this feeling inside of me? Every fail drives me to frustration. And the answers (as he would say) are right there in front of me. "Stop thinking. Just do it". OH. I even had that anxious deep breath now. I'm going to do it. Today. As long as I can.

I was talking about meditation. Since then I've improved a lot of things on my daily life. Actually, not so difficult as I thought it would be. 

Sometimes facing myself is harder in thoughts than in actions. 

A few weeks back I wrote about this paradoxal situation: how can I plan what I want to become without worrying with results? (It was a really long self-conversation but this was one of the last questions).

Because worrying is a path to frustration so it might be wise to not worry about things. Is it  possible though? 

Create with no worries?

Flow with no anxiety?

Adapt with no frustration?

I don't know yet. But as soon as I started to do more than "thinking" things arround me started to... work. Somehow.

Not letting my mind unguarded. That's the deal.

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