Conversations

Ideas are like bridges You cross from one place to another through them Some ideias can take you to cold, dark places Others to warm and Light ones You may understand where one idea can take you by observing patterns of those who are crossing that bridge How do they behave? What do they create? You can also imagine yourself with those people in those new places. Would you feel challenged? Comfortable? Motivaded? Amused? Some of those bridges are build to control you. Other ones are carefully chosen by those who love you the most and do want the best for you, although may not understand how you will feel after passing through. So, be careful. And be open. Observe and learn. Choose and remember your choices. With time you shall have a tool box filled with ideias. Whenever you need a specific state, you can cross that bridge inside of you which leads you to the best place in order to do what you must. The places you can get with bridges-ideas change your body reactions! Pay at...

These are words from Shi Heng Yi. . Apparently the stress and the worries and the fear it arises somewhere and that somewhere is individually always inside one self. And this is that paradox part sometimes about this world that you know when you are sad the sadness sits inside of you... When you worry about something it's your worry. Other people around you maybe see the issue too but they don't worry.  You Worry. We try to look for the solution not inside of you, you try to find it out there. If there's something which is a 100% in your control it must be  yourself.

"And what is to be brave?" I asked him. And there were so many things unsaid... A brief breathing sharing deeper meanings exchanged through our shared memories - memories of other talks, other puzzles, other enlighted moments. We had those kind of conversations before. Those that lead us to deep layers of understandment... when words come out of us as a "natural" inner voice you know? And out of this special moments some little special keys were created. Keys that open different doors to places we have already been together.  Shared ideas-bridges... Gentle ideas full of overwhelming meanings yet so hard to digest. Even not being able to describe it, sinply by knowing someonelse understands you creates connection.  Anyway. He answered me right after, with a face expression that connected this sense of nostalgia throughout our deep shared understanding nurtured during the past few weeks: "to do something even if you are afraid of".  This happend on October 5...

Whats wrong? I drowned myself. I didn't write or did my face massage - which I have promised to do everyday. I didn't follow my daily routine and studying schedule neither. Why? Why didn't I? .. And now I fell like crying (just a little). It feels akward. I mean, I know what I need to do based on a bigger picture... (or at least convinced myself in some moment of awareness). My lazyness takes the lead and gently pull me towards postponing everything - in just a tiny little moment of sleepness (and it happens often, in different intensity). Regardless my effort to plan my activities I remain struggling with lack of willingness. Even regardless my effort to keep myself motivated. Yet, it is possible to observe frustration by another point of view - due to some knowledge about the brain and neuroscience concepts. Previously any deviation would carry me out directly at the edge of a breakdown. Now I feel it while observing it, in some crazy self-awareness.. among moody, selfish...

Just a glimpse of connection Which happens with some kind of... awareness. It feels like I'm about to find some higher meaning, some deeply truth within myself - and the universe itself. Why does it have to be so shortly? So breef? Why does it happen when sharing it with another person? I wish it could last longer. Or even if I could understand it better, maybe I would be able to do it more often, growing this behavior towards... a kind of awareness more conscious, more based on a willing than a calling  But... Is it possible? This feeling of accepting not being in control, allowing myself to feel some external form of "flow"? Is it really "external"?

Before full moon I was feeling... connected. Days were flowing easily. But then I started to get anxious. There is the moving out thing going on. Also, there's the master's thing (I don't know how to say it in english), which deadline is approaching faster than I'm actually studying... or working. Or even doing anything. I try to say that I don't blame myself. And I really want to believe in this... The feeling of guilty only makes it worse. It's so easy to fool ourselves, isn't? Anyway, I think I began to get lost at the moment I didn't pay attention to myself. Maybe I can find a new rhythm now. Or maybe this is a "not-ever-ending-search", something like Sísifo myth... I'm trying to put all my efforts to be less philosophical.

Yesterday I was talking to my students and I told them to think about a landscape. What is the first image that came to you? Do you remember the last time you spent minutes, maybe more than one hour, just looking at some landscape?  Now take that picture in your mind and focus on especific points. How much can you remember? There is that difference: the possibility of looking at a big picture and seeing how those little things get together to build "one" picture, regardless it's peculiarities. However... If we only focus on the big picture we might not be able to perceive details in there, details which may be so beautiful and so meaningful that we regret not have seen them.   On the other hand, if we only pay attention to details we could miss the whole picture. So, how can we balance our focus? Our position as observer of the reality? *I was thinking that this would be a "not so philosophic text". I think I failed