Conversations

 At times, it feels as if I can perceive the internal mazes of other people from a bird's eye view.  It’s brief.  And there are moments when I can observe patterns within those mazes – the paths; the velocity; the chain of events influenced by choices, by meeting people, by going to places… The puzzle of daily choices modeling possible paths ahead. There could be many different perspectives to imagine the meanins of this maze - But my focus today is on crises. Chaotic and decisive periods.   Specifically related to consciousness (or do I say "self-awareness"?) and choices . Here we go. There's some kind of "pressure" during stressful moments, which somehow change the way we respond to certain stimuli. We are constantly interacting and modeling ourselves to environmental patterns, and I have a guess about how attention and self-knowledge may affect directly on our intentional responce - giving enough time for our internal processing to observe and generate ...

Tidying up the inner garden. The possibility of daily self-discovery is one of the most magical ability of all, practice it. 09.03.23 After playing it, it was almost like a death penalty: apparently nothing would happen afterwards. I'm "out of rhythm" and this affects my course of actions / 'cause it's easier to fall. So, if my my body is not healthy, how could my mind be? And, the resistance: willingly wanting to change myself creates a big amount of opposite directions inside of me, generating those strong emotions which can affect my judgement, as well as my self-perception and ability to wisely choose the next chain of actions. I shall get organized. 28.03.23 By looking at my "mistakes" (as a large and diverse amount of actions, this word may evoke a "bad" meaning or representing something inherently wrong somehow, but that's not the ideia) I can find spots of clutter within me. (or "myself?"). By looking at the clutter (such ...

Sometimes, really nice surprises come out of nowhere. Moments that add new twists to my everyday life, even if they come and go quickly. Eventually, I start using different words, thoughts, and actions because of these unexpected things that happened. The interesting and funny thing about this is how it completely changes my thoughts about "control". I used to think I should decide exactly what I want to be and how to do it. But if these random situations can't be controlled by me and still make a big difference in my life, it means I'm not the only one in charge of my possible pathways towards the "future me". "Which is pretty obvious" a part of my thoughts says (even though it's hard for me to really understand and accept). Perhaps there exists a profound and substantial significance in my choices though, influencing these serendipitous occurrences in "my favor" (or simply what I've chosen, which may not necessarily it's for...

"If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment."   I used to read this pretty often. So did my coordinator, at that time. It served as a painful yet necessary reminder. Such as: "pain is mandatory, suffering is a choice". The tiny little moment of choice, those infinite moments of daily life bind together in a one-way strong flux, growing stronger as each choise is made... The snowball of daily priorities. Regardless it assemble with my truthful inner purposes. So I end up chosing paths that I regret taking. I found myself (again) at places I didn't want to be anymore. Something inside of me has chosen this direction and it's not the part that takes care of me, or the parts that protect me, help me and love my... "self". Myself. I haven't acted kindly at myself. I'm confused. I want to ask for help, but I don't know how...

 "Two days". His words were flowing into me as smoothly as my favorite tea. I don't understand how it's possible, but it seems that some people simply "fit" into us effortlessly. We can talk for hours, focusing just on the conversation, and have a great time. Time slips away unnoticed, and I realize I haven't eaten or even had a glass of water all night. Yet, I feel an exhilarating sense of excitement and aliveness, completely engaged and interested. Connection through communication. The rhythm, the language, the body language, the topics. When we were apart I was filled with anticipation, eagering to find him and start talking with him once again. Actually, if we could just stay there, standing, I would be glad. Don't think about the past, and don't think more than two days ahead. Take care of your sleep, your body, your actions. Basicly, chose to do the right thing. Thanks for enlighting me.

Those fleeting moments when I manage to do the right thing are incredibly rewarding. Most of them seem to rely on "intuition." I use that term because it's somewhat easy to understand, although it may not fully capture its essence. When I'm not fully present in the moment, these moments elude me. They tend to occur during those "sleepy moments" that also influence a variety of other situations, including those involving making good choices. "Do the right thing"  Seemingly so simple yet often turns into a complex and confusing thought... Perhaps it's an issue of the mind. Maybe I don't need to overthink it. But then again, not thinking enough often leads me to places I'd rather not be. I know what I should do: invest in activities that contribute to my personal growth and avoid those that hinder it. I have even listed numerous examples of both, allowing me to "lighten up" when necessary. Yet, I still find myself confused betwee...